Clean freak or lazy geek?

August 19, 2011 at 3:46 am Leave a comment

Long distance relationships.
Kim is in her early forties, and has two teenage boys. She was married to an emotionally abusive man for fourteen years. Their marriage ended quite a few years ago, and she’s now in one of those long distance relationships.
Kim is beautiful, and kind. A little strange at times, but kind. She lives in Colorado, and this man, Jeff, lives in California. The two of them have been together for six years. He has come out to see her a few times, and she has taken several trips to see him. Seems oddly one-sided.
He finally proposed three years ago, but has done nothing to move toward a marriage, which in my limited understanding, usually comes after the man asks the woman to marry him.
What’s stranger than this is, when asked if she reads non-fiction, she said, “No, I can’t even sit down to watch a movie. My boys try to get me to, but I just can’t. I think it comes from all those years with my ex. He always expected me to be doing something. The boys and I had to make sure everything was perfect when he came home.”
So I asked, “What do you and Jeff do when you visit him?” Thinking that watching movies would be something they would do together.
“Oh, that’s all we do. Watch movies.”
I looked at her quizzically.
“His house is a mess, but I would be stepping on his toes of I started cleaning up after him. I don’t feel like there’s anything that needs to be done when I’m with him. We can just relax.”
I was left wondering who Jeff thinks she is. A woman who loves to sit down with him all day (because we aren’t living in reality where people go to work and have things to do), drink wine, and watch the latest cinematic thriller? What about the woman he doesn’t really know? The one who keeps busy because she feels she doesn’t deserve to enjoy herself for a few minutes.
These two have spent six years attempting to get to know each other, yet what do they know? It’s the same thing with The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and countless other reality t.v. dating shows, they are living in a fantasy world. No commitments, no jobs, no kids, no in-laws. Even though it’s a reality t.v. show, there is no reality.
So, I ask, and I wonder (because that’s what I do), who are we? Who do we want to be? Do you want to be the woman who spends time with her family, watching movies, playing games, and reading good books? Or do you want to be the woman who works from dawn until she collapses in bed after midnight, making sure the house is spick and span, and there are four courses at every meal?
Do you want to be the husband/dad who enjoys spending time with his wife, attending his kids games, and goes to the grocery store (no embarrassment included)? Or do you want to be the one who lives in front of the t.v. every evening?
Are you the person you want to be, or the person you think you’re supposed to be?

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two peas. pod not included someone stepped in my bubble

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Tracy Dee Whitt - Author

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